- Hammer, stepladder, two-by-fours, outdoor wiring...
- When else is camping out a mitzvah?
- Cool! Look at that bug zapper go!
Why Real Men Hate Sukkos
- You want me to shop for branches?
- And fruit?
- And wave them around in public?
Why Real Men Love Pesach
- Yossi, could you pass me the blowtorch? Nah, you don't have to turn it off first.
- Don't bother me now, I'm handling caustic chemicals.
- Just a second, I'm busy boiling the silverware.
- Burn, chametz, burn! Look at that bread glow! Might as well toss in the plastic bag too.
- Darling, please bring the basin to the table so the head of the household can wash his hands. How's the brisket coming along?
- You call that maror? Where's the real stuff?
- Another cup of wine anyone?
Why Real Men Hate Pesach
- You won't catch me cleaning the kitchen! I've still got my dignity.
- Are you sure pizza is chametz? Looks pretty flat to me.
- What do you mean, I have to have less than a kezayit of karpas?
Why Real Men Love Yom Kippur
- Food? Bah! I'm not hungry. I could go another day at least.
Why Real Men Hate Yom Kippur
- Honestly, I really don't see what I have to apologize for.
Why Real Men Hate Shavuos