Why real men love the holidays

Why Real Men Love Sukkos

• Hammer, stepladder, two-by-fours, outdoor wiring...
  
• When else is camping out a mitzvah?
  
• Cool! Look at that bug zapper go!

Why Real Men Hate Sukkos

• You want me to shop for branches?
  
• And fruit?
  
• And wave them around in public?

Why Real Men Love Pesach

• Yossi, could you pass me the blowtorch? Nah, you don't have to turn it off first.
  
• Don't bother me now, I'm handling caustic chemicals.
  
• Just a second, I'm busy boiling the silverware.
  
• Burn, chametz, burn! Look at that bread glow! Might as well toss in the plastic bag too.
  
• Darling, please bring the basin to the table so the head of the household can wash his hands. How's the brisket coming along?
  
• You call that maror? Where's the real stuff?
  
• Another cup of wine anyone?

Why Real Men Hate Pesach

• You won't catch me cleaning the kitchen! I've still got my dignity.
  
• Are you sure pizza is chametz? Looks pretty flat to me.
  
• What do you mean, I have to have less than a kezayit of karpas?

Why Real Men Love Yom Kippur

• Food? Bah! I'm not hungry. I could go another day at least.

Why Real Men Hate Yom Kippur

• Honestly, I really don't see what I have to apologize for.

Why Real Men Hate Shavuos

• Real men don't eat quiche!